On Death

Behind the Screams, CKY

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It's strange. I went away, and I can remember hearing his voice on the phone. I had called him while I was in Nevada for help. I wasn't sure what was going on with my car, and I remembered that he had said during one of those late nights we stayed up talking that he was good with cars.

I can still hear him laughing. I can see his smile.

I thought, when I came back, that I would run into him, because I didn't have a phone number for him anymore, but it never happened. I wondered if I wanted to. The things we had talked about were very complex, but I can't recall most of them. I remembered that I felt strongly for him...

I got a message last night saying that there was to be a candlelight vigil for someone named Michael (Roxie) at his house at 7pm. I immediately felt strange about it. I called the person who sent it to me and tried to get a description. The manner of death was one thing, and I cannot begin to explain how furious it made me, but what bothered me more was that I wasn't sure if it was truly the Michael I knew, or another; he had been staying at his parents' when I knew him, saving money, but I had never known where he had gone after that.

I found out today.

Michael Myrick was murdered. I don't know what happened at the party where it occured, but I just don't understand why people think they can just come and go and do terrible things to people for no good reason. Michael was a good guy; sure, he had his problems, but who doesn't? I can't understnad why anyone would think it would be okay to just jump someone, for any reason at all, and not even a bad one.

I can still hear his voice, and it makes me tense and sick. I don't know what to do. I don't know to cry; I don't know to let it go. What did we talk about during those nights? I know we talked about a lot of things, but did we talk about anything important -- I mean, really important? I wonder what would have happened if I had not lost touch with him over the summer? I wonder if things would be different now if I had found him immediately when I had come back. I wonder what would have happened if I had been at the party when this had happened, or would there have been a party at all? I want to know what really happened. I want to know who was really responsible. Was his death meaningless? Was his death honorable? I want to hear his voice again and see his smile and give him a hug and let him know that I still love him, no matter what, and that I was sorry I moved away and had to lose his friendship....

I want to know that everything will be okay...