Countdown

Arrigato to kimi ni iwareru to nandaka setsunai
Sayonara no ato no tokenu mahou awaku horonigai
The flavor of life -- Flavor of Life, Utada Hikaru

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In 5 days I will be in a home that isn't this one. I'll be free from the bonds that tie me here, and willingly sit down to new constrictions. I'll admit, there are some freedoms in this house that I enjoy, and I'll be sure to make the most of them in the upcoming days which I have left, but I'll be glad to be in a home where I wont feel bad for using things like food and the t.v.

I still have work situations to deal with, so please, keep a helpful thought in your mind for me if you get the chance... a.k.a. pray for me, please!

Closer

I want to be with you now -- Final Distance, Utada Hikaru

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I finally found a place to live, and though it's not the best place, and it's a little shifty, it's home, and it's not here, where I am now... There are only a few days until I move in there, and I'll keep my eye out for another job, too, but we'll see how that goes...

School starts soon... I've gotta buy books.
And I somehow feel alone, again, after all this, and after all the friends I'm making, I still don't see a change.

I broke down and cried the other day. Cried; can you believe it? Sometimes I have felt that it was something that needed to happen, but I could never bring myself to do it, and then, while I was on the phone with my mother, it just happened. And I was relieved in a way. I was glad to be rid of those feelings building up inside of me with no place to go. I was glad to let it out, and I think my mother understands. I feel lighter, now, but empty. I didn't feel immediately better, though, when it happened, but I think it's growing on me. It's the way of things here.

I miss the skies in Texas. I miss the clouds, the ever-changing weather made me feel more secure about my consistent one-track life. But...

One day at a time, I guess, right? I'm closer now, to where I need to be, and I think that's a good thing. One step closer; one day at a time...

Another Month

All around me are familiar faces; worn out places; worn out faces.
Riding early for the Daily Races; going no where, going no where... -- Mad World, Gary Jules, et al.

And here we are in the middle of that month already, and not one post, yet! It seems I cannot find a suitable means of escape from the minor-number-post issue per month I've got going for myself.

At any rate, I decided to take some personal time out of getting ready and rushing out the door for work to let you all know that I'm 1)yes, still alive, and 2)actually going to college, but 3)I haven't find a place to live -- I'm going to lose mine in about 2 weeks time.

There is so much I have to say on that subject, but so little ways for me to do so. The tension in this house... it's finally gone, and the only thing left is the undeniable cloud that hangs over the back of my mind; I try not to let that get to me, though, because I know that I should be alright... Suffice it to say, I have had all of my questions answered, and my suspicious proved correct the night before they left, which was in fact, the night before last.... Though, I cannot lead my reader astray, I know not what to do now about it, nor how I truly feel over the situation. Such strange fancies continue to run though my head over what I should do next... I don't have the time to get into this right now, however.

I just finished the last of the 7 Books last night, and was elated to find it over with. Perhaps I'll be able to write more on it tonight when I get home.... Perhaps; I should like that very much.