Now

I've made up my mind
No need to think it over
If I'm wrong, I ain't right... -- Chasing Pavements, Adele

---

That's the hardest part.

I can feel her eyes on me as I walk between the cars; eyes revealing a mind and spirit far too old for her young, subtle frame. The clove burning in my hand is more of a binding for me than it had been in the past -- something to keep me from wandering too far in idle fancies; like a tether 'bout my neck it keeps me grounded where I ought to be.

Living for the now... it's not easy for people like us. I reply. We hug and part ways: life holds too much to remain idle.

There are too many things we, as humans -- myself in particular, and even her, think about. Too much wends easily into our daily thoughts and aspirations; we cannot hold our own for too long before we lose what little concentration we'd managed and find our spirits and minds flying off to join our hearts in the fluffy-cloud pocked blue sky.

Each day I've had to remind myself somehow of what it is to live for the "now". I've not been able to keep it in mind for very long, too much to worry about... Is it truly possible for one to be so ignorant to History and all his lessons? Each day is just a new possible way for the myriad of events that began the day before to change or continue or even end, though not many do that. What we learn one day, what we experience one day, should these things not influence the who we are of the next? And how, then, can anyone be expected to live only in the now, not once longing for the days of their youth, when the decisions they had made then were more carefree, and should dire consequence rear its ugly head, there would be time yet for preparation? Despite appearances, things are fine; despite appearances, things couldn't be worse. That is the constant state of life for most people at this turning point in their years. It's arguable that it could be the long-lasting effects of the psyche, the unchangeable inner personality that molds the outward representation of our spirits, still hold sway at even this age, beyond most stages of maturation. I would to God fight on the side of the opposition: Let me decide with my own mind who I am going to be! Let me Fight! Let me see everything as a Challenge and not back down, no matter how hurt I get!

And please, most of all, let me stop worrying about things so insignificant, for they only cause more pain in the quiet hours, and beleaguer me in the waking ones.