On Death

Behind the Screams, CKY

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It's strange. I went away, and I can remember hearing his voice on the phone. I had called him while I was in Nevada for help. I wasn't sure what was going on with my car, and I remembered that he had said during one of those late nights we stayed up talking that he was good with cars.

I can still hear him laughing. I can see his smile.

I thought, when I came back, that I would run into him, because I didn't have a phone number for him anymore, but it never happened. I wondered if I wanted to. The things we had talked about were very complex, but I can't recall most of them. I remembered that I felt strongly for him...

I got a message last night saying that there was to be a candlelight vigil for someone named Michael (Roxie) at his house at 7pm. I immediately felt strange about it. I called the person who sent it to me and tried to get a description. The manner of death was one thing, and I cannot begin to explain how furious it made me, but what bothered me more was that I wasn't sure if it was truly the Michael I knew, or another; he had been staying at his parents' when I knew him, saving money, but I had never known where he had gone after that.

I found out today.

Michael Myrick was murdered. I don't know what happened at the party where it occured, but I just don't understand why people think they can just come and go and do terrible things to people for no good reason. Michael was a good guy; sure, he had his problems, but who doesn't? I can't understnad why anyone would think it would be okay to just jump someone, for any reason at all, and not even a bad one.

I can still hear his voice, and it makes me tense and sick. I don't know what to do. I don't know to cry; I don't know to let it go. What did we talk about during those nights? I know we talked about a lot of things, but did we talk about anything important -- I mean, really important? I wonder what would have happened if I had not lost touch with him over the summer? I wonder if things would be different now if I had found him immediately when I had come back. I wonder what would have happened if I had been at the party when this had happened, or would there have been a party at all? I want to know what really happened. I want to know who was really responsible. Was his death meaningless? Was his death honorable? I want to hear his voice again and see his smile and give him a hug and let him know that I still love him, no matter what, and that I was sorry I moved away and had to lose his friendship....

I want to know that everything will be okay...

Avoiding the Point

There is a city by the sea... -- Los Angeles, I'm Yours, The Decemberists

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One week left until we get our home. One week left, until we are able to have what we need to survive. I'm very excited. I'm working a lot these days trying to save money, so I won't be around to talk about the things that are going on. Actually, there are a lot of things going on that I shouldn't even talk about anyway; they're not my business.

I miss San Diego. I miss the few people I had become friends with while I was there, but I don't think I miss the expenses of living and the terrible way people treated you while you were there.... even the people you were supposed to be friends with.

The people I've come back for, the people that matter most are enough for me. Kamacho, Lady Lee, Rachet and I went to Wallmart again last night. It was interesting trying to keep up with Kamacho to keep her from going off to the Christmas aisle. And, some of you may be interested to know, we only spent about 30 minutes max in there, though I have a suspicion it was a lot less time! Amazing!

I know this post seems random, almost like it has no point, but it is serving the purpose of keeping me from writing about things I shouldn't... Not that I really want to, but more that there are a lot of things on my mind that I need to get out, because they have been running rampant, going back and forth across my vision, and making me remember things I don't want to; I don't even know what the answer is to any of these things, and that makes me sad, because I don't know what to do about them... but like I said, they are not my business...

Sorted

I thought this was interesting.

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

Your in-depth results are:

Ravenclaw - 15
Hufflepuff - 13
Gryffindor - 12
Slytherin - 7

Though, I'd still probably end up in Gryffindor... Choice matters. I do have to say, I would be terribly proud to be in Ravenclaw, but as it stands, I'm the Head of House Gryffindor... so... life is such.