To The Sky

I left my parents' this morning to find the sky painted in an array of colours one doesn't see too often with the way that weather has changed these days. In fact, I have been quite pleased with the way that things have been temperature-wise lately, as well, as if I had anything to do with that. Growing up I had always been in cooler weather, having gone to California at least once every year. It holds a certain leash on my memory and my spirit, and it relaxes me. Sadly, even though the weather was more calm -- the smell of water in the air, the sky in shades of blue and pink and yellow -- my spirit was still in turmoil.

Someone said it once as "I'm a dichotomous enigma swirled inside incongruity." A vortex of diametrics in dissent. I couldn't agree more, especially right now. I've spent the past week trying to get out of some tickets that were not necessarily my fault (though one cannot readily and honestly pass-the-buck on something so personal), getting settled in to a logical school schedule, and finding time to work, which right now seems to be every single shift I have available. This leaves me with little time to do my homework, and even less time to sleep. I am thankful at the moment for having moved back in with my parnents, but at the same time, I'm lonely. One never realizes a desire for community until they are removed so thoroughly from it. Having moved away from the Manor and Guardhouse -- though not having received any sort of demotion of neither Guardian title nor esteem -- I've been through such an instance very, very recently. Perhaps not in a bad way, but in a way, nonetheless.

The past two years of my life have left me with little more to say for people than their inconsistencies, but then I suppose that in all civility, I have nothing more to say for myself than my own inconsistency. I can only hope, meager attempt by meager attempt, that I am doing my best to be a constant lover -- the one I have always longed for, and earnestly asked for, from people, and God. I can only supply those around me with the relief that this morning's cloud-scattered proffering rendered my heart.
That's what one may only hope.