Working For It

Daydreamer sittin' on the sea;
Soakin' up the sun
He is a real lover of makin' up the past... -- Daydreamer, Adele

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I was having a conversation with :iconstudpup: recently and it came upon finances and why I'm stuck in Texas right now, instead of on the West Coast. He agreed that everyone needed to work on finances, and that keeping goals for getting away in our minds was a good thing.

I agree with him; of course I do. But... The big issue is that I feel like everyone else is getting these experiences and I'm not, and that they just keep going and doing their own thing and that I'm stuck doing this one thing that I don't particularly like!

I want to be able to go across the world and visit foreign lands and see sites and be at peace and truly feel like a working cog in the contraption of life, Earth, and the universe... but I haven't been able to. Recently (like last night) an issue came up between a couple of friends and I about how they are going to Chicago to visit a dear friend, whom I've wanted to visit since he left... I felt jealous and hurt... Why, though; I've asked myself that, and what I should have done, though my reaction of "Wow, I hate you guys; Merry Christmas" seemed appropriate, and got the point across... I got invited, and everyone is even okay with the whole event, but still... I don't want to just up and leave and drop all my fiscal responsibilities on the floor while I'm gone. At the same time, and this is a very big issue for me, I don't want to not be there celebrating New Years with my friends. And I do miss Will (the one who lives in Chicago) so very much. I don't want to be that douche-bag who isn't going... I don't want to be the douche-bag who is, either.

I can't begin to explain how very much it pains me to have to even consider such a choice... I know what I should do for myself; I know what is right for me. But, for the conversation's sake: what should I do?