A Day Off

Oh yeah, I'm fine,
Everything's just wonderful;
I'm having the time of my life -- Everything's Just Wonderful, Lily Allen

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It's been quite some time since I've had a day off, and I must tell you that I think I am not enjoying it half as much as I wish I would. There is too much on my mind, from things concerning old friends and new friends, relationships that have been in progress for a long time, and relationships that are yet to begin; I even find myself still mulling over the places I've been, the places I need and want to go -- the two are dichotomous -- and even the place that I am, spiritually, mentally, and physically.

When I actually do find myself having time to sit and write about the many thoughts that flow through my mind, I'm not able to get it all out. Why? What is it that keeps me going. I get sick at how my days off are more hectic than my days on, because I have so many places to go and so many things to do, and I can't even bring myself to do them all. I've got even more things on a secondary list, and am quite close to composing a tertiary one, just so I can feel better about getting to the one before it.
This shouldn't be the way things are.

As for the relationships: I feel a little concerned about the whole wedding issue. I am the last of four brothers, and I am also the youngest. Add to that list that I am the last unwed as of this coming Monday, May 12, 2008. Now, the manner of the weddings, as exhibited among my brothers, does leave a little room for me to relax as to the concept, but all the same, I do still wonder if getting married is even in my schedule, and would it even be worth it? I want to; don't get me wrong. I want to get married more than anything. I want to have a little girl, and maybe a little boy. And I want to have a wife that I can spoil and protect... but I still want all that for myself.

This isn't what I had wanted to put up for the first post in quite some time, but it's all I have to say at the moment. My mind must be playing tricks on me again...