Sand

I fall in Love and say It's over
I promise that this will be my last heartbreak
Even the Cherry Blossoms sway in the wind
And bloom again... -- SAKURAドロップス, Utada Hikaru

---

Time keeps pacing by like sand through the hour glass. I guess that T.V. spokesman was right: these are the days of our lives.

More seriously, though, I am a little concerned about what is going to happen next. I don't have a whole lot of money, and I would really like to go on some trips to spend time with Christians and grow stronger in God and the Word, and that way when I'm out in California, I'll be motivated to go find a church and not feel bad about it.

Mom seems to think it's easy, but I find a little anxiety in my heart when I think about it. Although, to be fair, that could be the fact that I'm low on cash and still have to take care of my car before I go romping through the desert. :P

Hirai Ken and Utada Hikaru are keeping me happy, though; who could be sad when they're singing songs about love and life in your ear? No one; that's who.

I am going to miss the people here, but I can't think on that right now. I am trying to keep my head up, and get things done first, and then I will wonder about how things will turn out, and the people I'm leaving behind.

I met a guy named Michael (just mentioning his name makes me think of "Who Is Like God Free Raven" and his family... I do hope they're all right. I miss them so much). Anyway, Michael is attracted to me, and I am to him, at least a little, but the thing is, I'm leaving, and as I've already demonstrated, I won't let anything on this mortal plane come between me and the plan I think God has for me. So, yes, unless something happens to put me in acting and directing, I'm going to be a doctor. And if that something does happen, then I'll use the money to go to medical school. There's something about healing people that I'm drawn to; I can't explain it. Ever since I was little, and even just sitting near a person made them feel better. Robert Jordan, if you ever read this, then just know that there is something to the One Power, I guess.

Christie, I do miss being around you. I still knit; do you? What have you been up to? Please do keep in touch... I think about the old days more than I probably should. I think about how we used to spend hours at the house on Fourth-and-Willis with our best friends. I think about how we went to L.A. together, and how we met in the cramped trunk space of a van on the way to San Antonio. I think about the prophecy that was spoken over us, and how the speaker and her husband affected our lives and then faded away. I think about Brady and all the love he has had for us (it still flows, I want you to know, so never forget)...

I think about the fights we had, and the arguments.
But nothing can tarnish the gold and silver gilding of our relationship. It was something special... no, it is something special.

I only regret that we've moved on, and away from those peaceful times. From the field of tall grass and from the shack we hid our hearts in.

I'll pray for a return to that time. To that place. To that day...

Kumo no mukô, yakusoku no basho.

---

"Beyond the Clouds, the Promised Place" is actually an anime movie, and a very good one, so please watch it if you get the chance. And please, no worries -- anyone -- about boys or girls, or whatever. I am who I am, and God is a God of Light and Love. I work hard to keep my eyes on the Goal of Him, I don't need any criticism; trust me, I am hard enough as it is on myself.