Friday, May 18, 2007

Mistakes...

2 am and she calls me cuz I'm still awake:
"Can you help me unravel my biggest mistake..."
-- Breath (2am), Anna Nalick

It seems like lately at about 2am in Texas, I find myself wondering what I'm doing here, and who I'm here for. I'm not concerned about whether or not I'm supposed to be here, because I want to be here, and I need to be here to further my life as a healer. Still, I wonder what I'm doing when I mess things up with my cousins, and spend money over and over and don't ever stop to question why...


I keep doing or saying random things that make my cousins mad, or a little upset, at any rate. I've gotten Sunny and Jess, and there's still one to go, though I pray to God it doesn't happen. Third time's the charm, right?... right...


Who I am is who I am. Watashi wa watashi wa. Though I do feel a little bad that it seems it's always a shock to the people here that I'm completely different than they want me to be. I say what I want; I feel what I want; I do what I want, and if no one likes it that way, I have the habit of saying "Hey, that's not my problem," but is it? Is it my problem that I'm not who they want me to be? No. But is it my problem that I don't act properly and sustained? Not really. I have to be outgoing. I have to be entertaining. I have to be energetic. I'm here in this new land all by myself after all; I've no one to answer to accordingly...


I just need to show a little more tact. I need to find a place to fit in. What kind of person am I? Who am I?

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